“It’s time to put on make up, it’s time to dress up right”

The Muppets are a source of endless nostalgic romance here at Dirk Towers. I have a reasonable collection of memorabilia and most of their output on one format or another.

Here is some of my favourite characters and one of them that I think is a right muppet!

WALDORF: They aren’t half bad.

1) Beaker

Dirk wears Muppet sox.

For many years in my professional career, I have been known as ‘Beaker’, for it was my nickname for 13 years at my last place of employment. I finally managed to shake it off in 2004, but there are dark moments in the middle of the night when I awake screaming memememememememememememememmememememmememememememememememememememmemememememmememememmeeee

(2) The Great Gonzo

Is there a more complex figure in modern popular culture than The Great Gonzo? What he lacks in talent, he makes up for in self-determination and a tennacious belief that it will all work out in the end. He is a sad soul – wrestling with the tears of a clown – while instilling joy into the hearts of his loyal audience. He’s a bit like Mark E Smith, but with an usual relationship with a chicken called Camilla.

(3) Scooter

“Fifteen seconds to curtain!”

The Muppet theatre’s intern who was the official go fer who would “go fer” this and “go fed” that. He was a preppy, well meaning kid who would wind Kermit up due to his connections. His uncle, J.P. Grosse, was the theatre owner who used his influence to make demands that would often atagonise Kermit to a point where he broke his cool into one of those passive/ aggressive flips.

In later seasons the relationship changed to a point where they became close and Scooter was everyone’s friend. His moment of triumph is the duet with Fozzie where he performs Alan Price’s Simon Smith and His Amazing Dancing Bear.

(4) Walter

If you want to see a film that will leave you with an indelible smile on your face, then watch THE MUPPETS (2011) written and starring Jason Segal with brilliant songs by The Conchords Brett McKenzie.

Like Scooter in many ways, Walter is a Muppet that doesn’t know he’s a Muppet. The opening sequence shows him growing with Segal side-by-side as inseperable brothers until they get their chance to go to the original Muppet Theatre.

The story becomes another ‘putting on a show’ story like their first movie, but it is done with such fondness and self-belief that its hard not to go with it. If you can’t stomach the whole thing, then I urge you to watch the musical sequences or just download the album, you won’t be disappointed.

STATLER: Nope, they’re ALL bad!

(5) Spamela Hamderson

What were they thinking? Not all of the Muppet parodies are well judged. There have been some rubbish ones on the way – their TV special of The Wizard of Oz is particulary poor during a point in the nineties (and beyond) when the franchise lost its way. This parody of Baywatch is poorly judged and just … a bit too strange.